Delusions
by Viola Canina
Summary: Kyouya is not gay. Really. ** Kyouya x Tamaki, Tamaki x Haruhi.


_**Delusions**_

_Ouran_ _High School_ _Host Club _© Bisco Hatori

Kyouya doesn't consider himself gay. There are days when Tamaki's unhuman stupidity suddenly reaches new heights (or depths: it depends on one's system of measurements) and he declares – in that deliriously happy voice of his – that Kyouya looks _amazingly, amazingly good _in a dress, but that, of course, doesn't say much about Kyouya's sexual preferences, just as Tamaki's elaborate speeches about his fatherly relationship with Haruhi have very little to do with the bitter reality. Besides, Kyouya finds dresses rather inconvenient. Pretty, yes, but not strictly suitable for anything other than the Host Club's annual Crossdressing Days. It's funny how women wear them all the time and don't even complain too much.

All in all, Kyouya is a fairly normal man.

Well, it's true that most normal men are against homosexuality, while Kyouya isn't; Haruhi's _okama_ father is practically his best adult buddy and pen-pal (the way Ranka-san resembles Tamaki is almost creepy even by Kyouya's standards, but at least he's old enough to be a somewhat entertaining conversationalist), and Renge-chan's enormous doujinshi collection never makes him feel weird; to each their own, Kyouya likes to say with an enigmatic smile that adds to his dark charm. As long as Ranka-san continues to supply him with rare Haruhi-related information and goods, his personal life doesn't bother Kyouya one bit.

Perhaps Kyouya is simply very tolerant. Or not interested in minor details that don't exactly mean a lot in the grand scheme of things.

He never turns red when Tamaki hugs him. In fact, Kyouya doesn't blush on general principle; that, and Tamaki is known for hugging trees, plush toys, refrigerators and furniture. Naturally, Kyouya doesn't want to be seen as a handsome human equivalent of a Chippendale wardrobe, but that, he supposes, is the price you pay for being Tamaki Suoh's closest high school friend. Tamaki is ridiculously expensive in that sense.

And Kyouya is absolutely, completely sure that Tamaki doesn't fancy other guys. He is frighteningly open-minded – in other words, he has a large hole somewhere in his skull – but he is also adamant about his own heterosexuality; for example, his opinion on the movie _Gohatto_ can be briefly summarized as "It was awesome, but honestly, Kyouya, in case you're curious, I cannot imagine myself in a similar situation, even if you take my divine beauty into account" ("Yeah, Tamaki," Kyouya replies cheerfully, "_nobody_ is asking you").

This is what flows through Kyouya's head when Haruhi asks him about Tamaki ("I'm sorry if it sounds rude, but you and Tamaki-sempai seem to be quite close," she states, "am I correct?"); she doesn't use the word _gay_, possibly because she doesn't take gender issues too seriously, but Kyouya assumes that the subtext of her question is somehow connected to what Renge-chan calls _BL_; deep inside, all girls are weak against this topic, and Haruhi is a girl, even if most people, including but not limited to Haruhi herself, fail to notice that.

"Well!" Kyouya adjusts his glasses elegantly. "What do you think?" Haruhi shrugs. "Frankly, if there's one person who is always happy to have Tamaki-sempai by his side, it's you, Kyouya-sempai," she responds. "So I guess..."

Kyouya blinks in quiet amusement, but then Tamaki emerges from nowhere (the way he usually does; it's not too shocking if you're already unfortunate enough to be his fellow Host Club member) and latches himself onto Kyouya. "Guess what, Mommy?!" Tamaki howls into Kyouya's ear, and Haruhi removes herself quickly from the scene (that selfish little weasel), so their discussion doesn't go anywhere. "Oh, yes, Daddy?" Kyouya nods lazily. Haruhi's ideas are obviously wrong, but it's not like Tamaki's fantasies actually hurt anyone aside from some innocent and overly impressionable bystanders; on top of that, _Mommy_ doesn't necessarily stand for _wife_ in Tamaki's personal vocabulary.

Kyouya sighs and relaxes in Tamaki's awkward embrace.

**Notes**

1. _Okama_ is a slang word for _effeminate male homosexual_ – well, we all remember Haruhi's father. ;

2. _Gohatto_ (or _Taboo_) is a fairly well-known Japanese movie about Sozaburo Kano, a gorgeous and ruthless young samurai who sleeps with some warriors from his squad and... pretty much drives them crazy, I guess; his ethereal beauty is almost demonic.

3. _BL_ (_boys' love_) is a modern Japanese fandom term for romantic stories (doujinshi, fanfiction and original stuff) about boys. As far as I know, it is not used for real-life gay relationships, but I think it's suitable in this context, because it shows how Renge doesn't see the difference between real life and fiction. ; So it's meant to be ironic.


End file.
